Every day I hear countless stories about how a person chooses an emotionally unavailable partner, hoping to build a healthy relationship.
The choice of emotionally unavailable partners can happen for various reasons related to personal experience, psychological mechanisms, and deep emotional needs. Here are some key factors:
Familiar Behavioral Patterns
Many people choose partners based on experiences and relationship models learned in childhood. If someone grew up in a family where one or both parents were emotionally unavailable, they may subconsciously seek similar relationships, as this feels normal to them.
Low Self-Esteem
People with low self-esteem may feel that they do not deserve love and attention. This can lead them to choose partners who confirm their negative beliefs about themselves by remaining emotionally distant.
Fear of Intimacy
Some individuals fear close relationships, so they choose partners who are incapable of deep emotional connections. In this way, they avoid the risk of being rejected or hurt.
Attempt to Fix the Past
Some people select emotionally unavailable partners to unconsciously repeat and attempt to fix past traumatic relationships. This may be an effort to gain the approval and love they did not receive in the past.
Adrenaline Effect
Relationships with emotionally unavailable partners can be full of drama and uncertainty, triggering adrenaline and creating an illusion of passion and intensity. This can be appealing to those seeking thrills in their relationships.
Lack of Emotional Experience
If a person lacks experience in healthy emotional relationships, they may not recognize that their partner is emotionally unavailable. They may not have the criteria to evaluate what healthy relationships should be like.
Idealization of the Partner
Lovers often idealize their partners and may ignore signs of emotional unavailability. They hope that love will change their partner and make them more open and accessible.
